I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize