perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she smelled like a LAN party
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
