i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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