Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
