have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I will be naked everywhere
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
