bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize