Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
