She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
