I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
