So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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