let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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