The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am available for nakedness
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
