I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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