The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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