Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
