I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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