Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
