Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
