Small penises have feelings too.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
