You smell like stripper and shame
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
