Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
