Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
