We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
