There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she told me i tasted like america
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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