i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
