i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
