I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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