then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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