I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
