just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
