Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
