I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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