You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
