just come out here and I will go home with you...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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