Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
