First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize