Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We had sex on a dog bed..
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You were trust falling into bushes
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
