hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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