Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
