Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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