took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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