I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize