He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
