I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
