her vagine was all disorganized.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
