Texts From Last Night

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  (802): View more from Vermont

  OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

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  (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. http://tfl.nu/87yq
  Replies (111) Good night (47111) Bad night (2934)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.

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  (804): please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash. http://tfl.nu/od6g
  Replies (5) Good night (716) Bad night (3060)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.

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  (617): living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST. http://tfl.nu/nhyx
  Replies (20) Good night (3851) Bad night (595)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina

  (804): View more from Virginia

  not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote

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  (401): she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina (804): not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote http://tfl.nu/mq8t
  Replies (33) Good night (1126) Bad night (4215)
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  (213): View more from California

  Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.

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  (213): Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now. http://tfl.nu/tt7k
  Replies (8) Good night (4647) Bad night (686)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.

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  (630): I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing. http://tfl.nu/6g2i
  Replies (17) Good night (1374) Bad night (4030)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina

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  (856): i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina http://tfl.nu/7m3b
  Replies (22) Good night (994) Bad night (5255)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.

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  (563): he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on. http://tfl.nu/j2lo
  Replies (9) Good night (917) Bad night (2031)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.

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  (607): Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage. http://tfl.nu/h8mr
  Replies (3) Good night (1020) Bad night (524)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.

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  (617): my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store. http://tfl.nu/jy53
  Replies (3) Good night (1243) Bad night (704)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?

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  (401): Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer? http://tfl.nu/x506
  Replies (0) Good night (519) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar

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  (615): we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar http://tfl.nu/4o2z
  Replies (1) Good night (497) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now

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  (515): yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now http://tfl.nu/r5r9
  Replies (6) Good night (1261) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom

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  (734): Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom http://tfl.nu/vsfc
  Replies (3) Good night (810) Bad night (292)
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  (310): View more from California

  My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.

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  (310): My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another. http://tfl.nu/1lkm
  Replies (2) Good night (660) Bad night (286)

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