ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.