Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.

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  (816): My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won. http://tfl.nu/68w0
  Replies (4) Good night (926) Bad night (1027)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.

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  (814): If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already. http://tfl.nu/owi8
  Replies (15) Good night (1135) Bad night (2237)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.

  (323): View more from California

  Sounds like a plan.

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  (818): If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him. (323): Sounds like a plan. http://tfl.nu/lnib
  Replies (34) Good night (8469) Bad night (900)
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  (661): View more from California

  It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.

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  (661): It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing. http://tfl.nu/ex7a
  Replies (116) Good night (11628) Bad night (1830)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.

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  (201): You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked. http://tfl.nu/py4z
  Replies (7) Good night (3910) Bad night (1055)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.

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  (707): Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage. http://tfl.nu/1an1
  Replies (3) Good night (2306) Bad night (1188)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids

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  (302): I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids http://tfl.nu/6v45
  Replies (15) Good night (1839) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.

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  (202): Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked. http://tfl.nu/s7s6
  Replies (6) Good night (657) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES

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  (715): your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage (608): HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES http://tfl.nu/buhh
  Replies (5) Good night (2558) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.

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  (678): I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex. http://tfl.nu/mbc3
  Replies (2) Good night (855) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.

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  (512): Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb. http://tfl.nu/pyo6
  Replies (4) Good night (1329) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.

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  (925): You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure. http://tfl.nu/nboc
  Replies (4) Good night (565) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?

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  (902): There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3? http://tfl.nu/qguc
  Replies (6) Good night (1493) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award

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  (618): Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award http://tfl.nu/x66g
  Replies (8) Good night (913) Bad night (243)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake

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  (805): Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake http://tfl.nu/6q42
  Replies (3) Good night (373) Bad night (532)

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