he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
