i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
