Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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