Im at strip club and am horny
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
