Kiss
Puke
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
