what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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