Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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