she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
