I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
