Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
