Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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