Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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