woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
