He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
