How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
