You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just threw up on my dentist
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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