Duck Duck Cougar?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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