atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
