oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
