so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
