Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How does it feel to date your dad?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize